having the right mentality to life from the get-go, can place you in a powerful position by the time you’ve hit early-stage adulthood. the building blocks are laid when you’re young and the wrong blocks will have you in hell.
i must add, that to me, heaven and hell, are mind states.
being the youngest of 4 kids, i had a pretty normal childhood. my family is full of intelligent people, me included. nothing i could have done in school was something my parents hadn’t seen or done themselves. first in class? i’d be child number 4 to do it. there was almost no validation by the time kid number 4 was doing it. my young mind picked up on the wrong ways to seek attention and validation. if i couldn’t be seen positively, then i just wanted to be seen. it meant i had no idea of what it was to be responsible. i quickly adopted a lot of bad habits. one of the worst habits i cultivated, was leaving the direction my life went to other people. being an irresponsible person, i wanted others to take responsibility so if anything went wrong, it wouldn’t be my fault.
this singular bad habit of dodging responsibility, has put me in many situations where pain became a constant emotion. i didn’t know how to take responsibility for myself and push myself to learn to take actions that would put me in the best possible place for myself. i’d managed to convince myself, that all the ones ahead of me where always going to be there to grease whatever pathway that i found myself floating on.
the beautiful thing about life is that it will keep on giving you the chances to learn. if you refuse to learn, your patterns will have you repeatedly experiencing the same sequences in a myriad number of ways, putting you in a position to learn.
being an entitled feeling last kid, it started to suck more and more, when the people who were always there for me started to decrease the frequency with which they gave me assistance. i was mad at them. feeling very upset, i started to harbor hate in my heart for them, for leaving me in situations they had nothing to do with. how dare they not drop all they were doing and sacrifice their hard-earned power, money and precious time, to help me? after all, i was “family”. who else was coming to my aid if not the people where I came from?
the answer came one day after talking with my OG, Gat, he said something i was already realizing with increasing levels of alarm. nobody will show out for you like you. why not try it?
i was stuck playing the victim as i had gotten very comfortable with doing so. why wasn’t i taking as much credit for the situations i was getting in? for the decisions i was making that concerned me? i had mentally put myself in a box that shifted my pov from being the coach to a passenger in my own life. accepting that realization felt like a shotgun blast to my chest. In the last year and a half, i’d already started to consciously try changing some aspects of my life. realization comes first, action, next. asides from instantly shifting how i saw myself, i started to look back at all the times i could have dealt myself a better hand by simply taking credit for my own actions.
i’m at a stage where i have started trying to act as quickly as possible. this for me means that i’ve already started to correct my mindset about being the victim all the time. it’s rather tough work accepting your flaws, and this is one of the times where i’m happy that i’m capable of being a mentality monster. i’m no longer going to be the entitled victim. i’m going to be accountable and learn how to see the positives better.
